I was the first of my friends to have a baby. Considering I always wanted to have one, I don’t think this came as a surprise to anyone. What did come as a surprise to me though was what this meant. Although this may not be the case for everyone, it definitely gave me a new perspective on all of my friendships.  

Your friends may stagger when you are pregnant, and blame you for the disconnect. The turning point of my friendships started early on when I was on bed rest. Friends that I saw every week I barely heard from anymore when I could no longer be on the go with them. This wasn’t a huge surprise but it did baffle me when towards the middle-end of the pregnancy I received messages from the same friends who asked why I was shutting them out. The reality was my life was uneventful; I was home feeling ill and doing nothing for 9 months but trying to safely grow a human. The last thing I needed was feeling attacked over someone else’s feelings, especially when it felt as though I had no support from them at the time.  

Some friends may cross boundaries. When you first find out you are pregnant and not sharing publicly yet, you may find the ones you trusted most with the information are the first to spread the news. Or when the baby is born they may find it cute to over-share your recovery details, show your family members pictures of the baby before you have a chance to, or even go as far as telling an uninvited guest to stop by the house to see the baby. Be prepared to have to lay down new boundaries with people you least expected it from.  

Your friends will think it’s okay to tell you how to raise your child. As the old saying goes, “Everyone’s a critic!” …and an expert apparently, even though they have no experience of their own. The only piece of advice I use that I received when I was pregnant was not to take anyone’s advice – ironic isn’t it. Truthfully, this has kept me sane when my friends tell me how many times I should be (overly) bathing my newborn or even saying that I should let my then one week old cry it out. 

Your baby may not like some of your friends. I am a firm believer that babies and dogs have great judgment of character, so if your baby doesn’t take to someone very well it is a signed you should probably reconsider your position with this person.  

You will probably grow apart from most of your friends once you have your baby.  Your friends may be focused on their career, having fun, or may say or do something toward your child you are not comfortable with. Whatever the reason, there is probably a higher chance that you will lose a connection with your old friends and grow towards other mom friends.  

You may also grow closer with some friends.  Don’t have expectations on this one, I’ve found this to be only a rare few. Just like having a baby won’t keep a man, it won’t keep your friends either. But you’ll be surprised by the people who you’ll actually find putting in the effort for the right reasons, which your child will bond with. These are the friends that you will grow closer with and in a few years grow a strong appreciation for.   

Some friends become jealous that another friends has spent more time with your baby than they have.  This is a frustrating one. For some reason people seem to believe they have a right to your child. You may receive comments such as “Has this person seen the baby before I have?!” There is a fine line between being toxically over-bearing and wanting to be a part of your friends’ children’s lives.  

& by contrast, not everyone wants to be the favorite aunty. I have a few friends that have shown zero interest in having any involvement in my son’s life – and that is okay. In fact, you may (like me) find that you appreciate this because those people still see you as the same person you’ve always been, while the rest of the world sees you with a mother filter on, which sets a constraint to you should do and look like.