As I reflect on my journey from 20-26, I can’t help but think about how much I’ve grown. The biggest change I’ve seen in myself is not letting people push me around the way I previously let it happen in both professional and personal relationships.  There’s a level of peace that comes with that and I know things will only get better from here.

Below are 10 lessons I learned (the hard way) in my early 20s, and if I knew then what I know now I probably would have done things differently.

Enjoy life more and overthink less.
If you’re like me, somewhere along the way you let the concept of maturity and seriousness take over how to live your life. You’re probably overthinking things, and somehow led yourself to believe that having too much fun can be problematic –  maybe you’re worried that you’ll make a poor long-lasting impression, or that you’re spending too much money, drinking too much alcohol, eating too much food, not spending enough time with family, and so on. As a reminder, you can’t let society’s standards guilt you from enjoying life.

Do what feels right for you, not what anyone else says or does.
It’s okay to not drink, smoke, or do any form of drugs. It’s okay to not want to attend a large social gathering. It’s okay to stay home and learn how to crotchet.  You should only do what fills your soul with peace, don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re a problem because you enjoy being outside the “norm.”

Being single is a lot better than being with the wrong person.
Being with the wrong person can be as lonely as being alone. If you’re questioning whether someone is the right person for you, they aren’t. When God places someone in your life, it will be so clear that you won’t have a single question of doubt about His plan for you and that person. But, if the wrong person distracts you from what is truly meant for you, you will likely miss out on something greater.

If a man can make your friend “switch up,” she’s not really your friend.
If you have a friend who suddenly stops coming around once she’s in a relationship, or only makes an effort to talk to/see you when she’s having relationship problems then you should reconsider what value this friendship is truly serving you.

It’s okay to outgrow people and things.
Your best friend today won’t be your best friend forever. Your favorite pass time activity likely will not appeal to you in a few years. As you continue to blossom, you’ll notice there will be people who won’t ever outgrow routines, people, and places – and seeing that sometimes makes it harder for you to part ways. 

Don’t sweat the small stuff.
It’s okay to be 10 minutes late sometimes. You won’t be scorned by your teacher or boss for being late once in a while – and if they strangely do get some odd form of pleasure for calling you out on this, then it is time to reconsider whether that is the right environment for you. 

Don’t follow the money, do what you enjoy instead.
Although corporate jobs offer decent salaries and benefits, studies have also shown that mental health is actually lower in persons working in corporate environments than those in blue-collar jobs. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but as a reminder: life is too short to lose your spirit to a corporation.  

You don’t always need a degree. 
Don’t rush to college and complete a degree just to have one. That works for some people, but truthfully you will probably waste money learning a field you may never work in if you’re not confident that’s the field you’d like to follow. Instead, take a year or two to explore internships and figure out what you find most interesting. From there figure out what scholarships are available for that industry, and whether your costs for college are greater than what you’d earn annually and the costs to invest in a house etc. You may find learning a trade over a degree aligns more with your personal and professional aspirations.

Don’t rush the process.
Patience is one of the most important things you need in life. Unless you’re a magician, you likely will not finish your degree, get promoted, pay off your house, or bloom a family overnight. It all takes time. Each phase of your life is a different season to grow in and you will miss a lot – and regret what you missed – if you’re consumed with the thoughts of how to fast forward to “the good part.” 

There is no “happy ending” or a final good part.
The only place that promises constant happiness is Heaven, and that’s what I look forward to. And in the meantime, our lives free flow like waves. There will always be highs and lows, and in some seasons the waves are rougher than others. But just as the highs don’t last forever, the lows don’t last forever either. Don’t dissociate from the present waiting for the good to come. Instead, find one small good thing that is happening now. Was your dinner good tonight? That’s enough.  Did you enjoy singing a tune from the 90s on your drive home this evening? That’s enough. Were you able to finally think about a hurtful incident and not feel angry about it? That’s enough. Sometimes contentment is just enough, until one day (possibly years later) you’re more happy than sad and you didn’t even realize your mind shifted.