I basically went through pregnancy by myself as my son’s father was in the background playing hot and cold on whether he wanted to take responsibility. This was fine by me because I knew my son deserved a male-figure in his life that wouldn’t toy with his emotions. But of course, this also meant sharing the news with friends and family by myself.

I was pregnant at 23 years old, and even though I was a grown adult with a good job, I was extremely nervous to share the news because I knew it wouldn’t go over too well. I’m not entirely sure if these are common remarks to single pregnant women or if my friends and family are just dramatic.  And although I know it wasn’t anyone’s intention, the feeling of shame scattered over me because unfortunately, even in 2020 there is still a stigma against single mothers. In fact, I don’t think one person close to me congratulated before making any of the below comments.  Sure, most of the remarks were stated in shock but sometimes verbal diarrhea should be controlled.

Lucky for you, I am sharing my story so you won’t make the same mistakes. Below are 8 things you should think twice about before saying to a single pregnant woman.

I thought you just got fat.  …Thanks.

No, you’re not pregnant, you’re just messing with me.  I know I don’t let everyone meet my boyfriends, but that doesn’t make me a lesbian grandma.

Are you getting married?  Why is this necessary when 60% of couples who marry at my age end up in divorce? It’s 2020, people have premarital sex all the time. The only difference with me is I got pregnant.

Do you know who the baby is for?   Unfortunately, I do. But I’m going to ask Santa for a new baby daddy for Christmas.

So is the father going to help? Yes. No. Who knows. It seems like a lot of (no good) men don’t make that final decision until the baby is born. So it’s a pretty useless question to ask the pregnant woman who is already stressed about other things. He may say he will during pregnancy and turn around and show a different face once the baby arrives. It is a far too common sad reality but often not spoken about. That’s what happened in my situation, but like any strong mother, his help isn’t needed anyway.

Why didn’t you use a condom?  Everyone’s reasoning is different. Personally, being a mother was my biggest dream. Being told it may be difficult to conceive, I took my chances and left it in God’s hands.  Even though I was taken a bit by surprise, there isn’t a single second of my days that I regret it.

You shouldn’t want to bring a child into this cruel world because you probably won’t be able to protect him from it.  Okay, I get it. You’re a pessimist but this isn’t how I see it. Babies are one of the few wonderful things in this world, why wouldn’t you want to add to that?  You just never know, your child may be the one to make a great change to this cruel society.

Wow, you ended up just like your mother. And she’s pretty damn awesome, thank you. Being a single mom is the best of both worlds. I get to enjoy the love and happiness of my little human, and not be tied down to the patriarchal institution known as marriage.  Sure I fell into the cycle, but it’s a pretty cool one if you ask me.