Let’s keep it real. It’s been over a year since I’ve touched this blog. Why? I’m not quite sure. I enjoy writing, and I knew I had quite a bit of content I could touch on if I really wanted to. But truthfully I did what I always do, start something without ever finishing it with no real reason why. It’s an odd realization. We watch movies that feature that one person who doesn’t finish anything and is shamed by society for this. And one day you wake up and realize you’re that character in the movie.

Growing up I did everything – ballet, dance, gymnastics, tee-ball, swimming, football (soccer), netball, karate, art, tennis, band, poetry, filmmaking, gym/at home fitness. You name it and I was probably on the club at some point in my life. I even started masters’ degrees I didn’t finish – master of marketing in digital media, masters of human resources, and a graduate diploma in law. And I quit everything. Maybe I didn’t quit in the traditional sense as I always – well, mostly – stuck it out for that semester or year (however long the term may be) – forced by my mother of course – but then I would never re-join the following term. I’m not sure why I couldn’t find something that followed with me for life. And it’s not that I couldn’t pass the courses or suck at the activities, I just didn’t enjoy them enough to commit to them. Well, except art. I stuck to drawing for a few years, but even then I always started pieces I never finished.

Shits about to get deep friends but at 25 years old I’ve admitted to myself that I’ve never committed to anything. Looking back, the only thing I ever committed to were men (cough – I mean boys) who couldn’t and didn’t commit to me – which I secretly knew, so technically it was a cop out to avoid commitment altogether. In fact, I’m not bitter about it at all. I was, and in contrast to my previous views, feel that I still am too young for commitment. But reflecting on not committing to this blog has made me realize I have never committed to anything to or for myself, which is such an important phenomenon.

I started this blog on a quest to find my passion. To this day I don’t know what my passion is (clearly not the blog lol). I’ve struggled with trying to understand how so many people have a passion/hobby, and I had nothing. I have no hobbies and there are no activities that excite or drive me in the day. I’ve even received comments from people that they recognize this in me. Sounds depressing I know, but that’s not to say that I’m depressed. My life is great and my son brightens each and every day. So what does this mean for me? Well, it took me a while to realize that not everyone’s passion is tied to a “thing”, a passion can be tied to the intangible such as spending time with the people we love. Sooo… note to self (and anyone else going through this): I can continue to wander, I may or may not find something I like enough to stick to my daily habits or call a hobby, and that is perfectly okay. I repeat: I will not let anyone make me feel bad for this. It is okay to continue to start and stop new things whenever I want, and continue to wander as long as I need to, as I know what my “home” base is.  You will not grow if you do not try new things.